Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Just so I don't forget

Yesterday little Emma started using her big, loud voice for happy sounds. It was a little alarming at first because I thought some screaming and crying were coming, but then I started laughing when I realized she was just talking. It was fantastic.

A couple of weeks ago she developed the ability to make spit bubbles. She has been practicing ever since.

This morning was the first time that she actually enjoyed her bath rather than just tolerating it.

She sucked on a pacifier like a champ during her hip ultrasound yesterday. When I tried to give her one today, she gagged and spat it out at me. She's very stubborn. (Her hips are just fine, the ultrasound was just to make sure she didn't have any hip dislocation issues as a result of her breech presentation.)

The little things...

... make life sweeter.

  • listening to a wild storm in the night and waking in the morning to blue skies and sunshine
  • watching the sunlight move across the carpet as the sun rises each day
  • hearing the trains go through town in the middle of the night
  • toothless smiles
  • the way the carpet looks when vacuumed
  • singing along to The Beatles
  • bath time in the kitchen sink
(I am becoming quite proficient at typing one-handed.)

Thursday, March 25, 2010

so what if it's 2:30AM

I am so hungry and so tired.
How am I supposed to eat enough calories to produce enough good breast milk if I'm always nursing? How am I supposed to sleep enough to produce enough good breast milk if I have to eat during all of my spare time?
(This bagel is delicious.)

I love motherhood and am so in love with my daughter, but there are a lot of things going on right now that I do not love.

1. Winter wakes me more frequently than the baby. I know she's a 17-year-old cat with health issues, but why did I ever start feeding her during the night? This is awful.

2. I am not fat, I know, but none of my clothes fit. Cute maternity pants don't stay up now that I have no belly. Pre-preggo pants don't make it over my newly expanded hips. I'm left with stretchy exercise pants or pjs. I feel like a slob all of the time.

3. I hardly go anywhere or do anything. This is partly due to the fact that I have a highly demanding infant who needs fed every 2 to 3 hours. Also, please reread statement #2.

4. I go back to work in 2 weeks and I really don't want to leave my baby. I'm sure it will all be fine, but it's adding a lot of stress to my world. How do I plan for her needs while she is in the care of someone else?

Okay. I'm going back to bed now.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

1 month later

"...thou art an elect lady, whom I have called." -D&C 25:3

I can hardly believe that my baby girl is already one month old. It is amazing to think that I have spent exactly four weeks with this little miracle. Time moves so quickly.

Much has happened in those weeks. I have a ton of pictures on my camera that I will have to post at another time. (The cord to connect the camera to the computer is in my bedroom, where my husband is sleeping. I dare not disturb him.) There have been endless hours of nursing, too many diaper changes to count, baths, short stretches of precious sleep, baby coos, ahs, squeaks, and screams, much laughter, and many tears.

I don't want to forget anything about this incredible time in our lives, but there is so much to remember. There was my anxiety over her weight loss and the fact that she took about three weeks to regain her birth weight instead of making it by the doctor's goal of two weeks. There has been the nasty herbal supplement, the two-hour feeding schedule, and the post-nursing pumping in an effort to get my milk supply to increase. What fun. I've also had the joy of deciding to quit my teaching job for next school year so that I have more time with Emma at home. During this time I have come to love and appreciate my husband more than I ever thought possible. That has been one of the greatest gifts and blessings this little girl has brought into our home.

Enough about me. Here are some of the things I love about my daughter:
  • Her hair, when freshly washed, stands straight up all over. It reminds me of a bizarre cross between Sting and Annie Lenox. Oh, the 1980s.
  • She makes a loud, happy "AAH!" sound from time to time, usually after sneezing. It melts my heart.
  • She looks into our eyes now and watches our faces.
  • The girl can hold her head up like a champ.
  • She is so strong and can scoot across the floor on her belly if she has something to push her feet against. She can scoot pretty remarkably on her back as well. Her head ends up against the headboard of her cradle almost every morning now.
  • Her bright blue eyes are incredible.
  • Her preference for looking at church pictures on the walls makes me happy.
  • She loves her bouncy chair.
  • She does not startle or cry when the dog barks, thank goodness.
  • She is beautiful.
Motherhood is remarkable. I can't believe the love that I feel for this little one, it's like nothing else in the world.

I can't wait to see what the next month holds.