I'm thinking about retiring. I know, I'm a mostly stay-at-home mom, but holy crap! I had no idea this could be such hard work. The worst part about it is that I get very little recognition. No one is paying me a salary. No supervisor comes in to observe me and tells me I'm a natural. Sometimes, a little cherub gives me the smile, hug, and kiss that I need, but they feel few and far between lately. Instead, I'm overwhelmed by repetitious tantrums, screaming, and crying. I can't wait for this phase to pass.
Today I am really worn out. I'm experiencing a sad kind of laziness. I've listened to Taylor Swift's song "Safe & Sound" repeatedly this morning. It's haunting and it's stuck in my head. I'm not sure if it's improving my mood or making it worse.
Though I haven't felt it today, there are some mornings when I feel a little like Juliet as played by Claire Danes when she goes to the priest and screams (in her amazing, Claire Danes way), "I long to die!" Okay, so that's an exaggeration. I feel a little bit desperate like she is in that scene, but without the gun or star-crossed lover.
Then, after seeing so much sadness and difficulty in the world around me, I feel a little like Leeloo towards the end of the 5th Element. She's supposed to work as the ultimate weapon and save the world, but she breaks down and wonders, "Why?" What good is there in the world worth saving?
Of course, there's the ultimate solution to all of these issues. Love. It's the reason Romeo and Juliet live and die. It's the beauty that saves the world.
|"Above all things I believe in love!"|
|"Death cannot stop true love..."|
Sometimes, I have to remember to look for and focus on love. It is all around me and I cling to it when I feel like I'm about to run out of strength.
(Thank you, Google, for all of the lovely photos.)