Cold.

I get colder and colder every year...
Or I become less capable of dealing with cold temperatures every year.

My family moved from Ohio to California in the Fall of 1992, just in time for me to start the 4th grade. I prided myself on the fact that I wore shorts every single day of that school year. Why would I need long pants in a place where it never snowed?!?

Over time, I have acclimated to my lovely Californian home, and now I think 50ºF is cold. Also, I'm not a cocky ten-year-old anymore, so there's that. This year, I've noticed that I am bundling up more than most of the people around me. It's ridiculous.

Last Winter I wore leggings or long underwear and a long-sleeved shirt under my scrubs every day that I worked. This year, I am again wearing a base layer, but I also walk around with a fleece sweatshirt zipped up on top of my scrubs. AND I put a beanie on during the midday when we aren't seeing clients. This is INSIDE at vet's office. The building is old, with cinderblock walls and an inadequate HVAC system. Add in the heating and AC battles duked out by the front and back staff, and I have a constantly frigid workspace.  (The front of the building, where the receptionist sit in a small space with lots of warm computers, is the only area that gets warmed up by the sun. They're constantly turning the thermostat down, while the techs in the bigger work areas are constantly turning the thermostat up, myself included.)

My intolerance of the cold has gradually worsened over time. I have long been the person who exits the swimming pool before anyone else, with chattering teeth and blue lips in the middle of summer. However, now I don't even get in a pool unless it's 100ºF outside. In Fall and Winter, beanies and gloves are a regular part of my apparel. I know that's not unusual this time of year, but I LIVE IN THE TRI-VALLEY, not the Sierras. Some people blame it on the "lack of meat on my bones" but I don't buy it. I'd blame my hypothyroidism, but I take my little pill every day and have normal levels of thyroid hormone in my blood, so I don't think that's the reason either. I do have a great-grandfather and great-uncle who each underwent an amputation surgery due to poor circulation, so maybe it's that?

I worry about what I will wear next Winter. Can I fit another layer under my clothes? Should I invest in foot warmers for inside my shoes? Will it scare the dogs and cats if I wear ear muffs in the exam rooms? Is it okay to walk down the street wearing a ski mask?

At this rate, I highly suspect I will want to retire some place warm. I'm suddenly feeling a connection to all of the old people who retire to Florida or San Diego. Unless my body temperature changes drastically when I go through menopause, or climate change causes Winter temps to increase in my home town, I don't see how I can avoid a tropical destination in twenty-five years.
Oh well.

My nose is cold.


Merry Christmas.

Reflections On My 35th Birthday

I am officially thirty-five years old.

I am also one of the lucky ones.

I have thought that sentence many times in my head, but I don't know that I have ever written it here. I'm going to do it again, for emphasis...

I am one of the lucky ones.

My birthday is one of my favorite days. It is a day to celebrate my life, to recognize how much I have and how much I have accomplished. It's a day to thank my parents for bringing me into this world. It is also the day when people I love, from the many scattered pieces of my life, reach out to me and wish me well. I am surrounded by so much love from so many good people, and that is why I am so lucky.

My first best friend in life is still in my life, thanks to social media. My cousins, who I haven't seen in years, share their lives with me daily, also thanks to social media. The girls I loved in middle school have grown into women who I still adore spending time with today. I have an incredible group of friends from high school who get together a few times a year and get along without skipping a beat. I have college friends who share their big life events with me. ME. Why am I so lucky? My husband is smart, kind, and makes me laugh. We are so different and we love each other whether it makes sense or not. I have witty, generous, intelligent, good children - they love to read, explore, sing, and laugh. My family is incredible. Have you met my parents? They are good and kind. My mom is the most giving, caring person I know and she lives right across town!!! I have aunts and uncles, too, and they have always made me feel loved and accepted. I married into a big family and gained sisters, brothers, cousins, parents, and grandparents who have shown me love and friendship, and I AM SO LUCKY. I get to go to work in a building full of strong, intelligent, capable women who show graciousness and compassion every day. I actually really like all of my coworkers, and I genuinely adore many of them. Can you say that? Why am I so lucky? I have friends from church who have not judged me or treated me differently since I left the religion that brought us together. I have made new friends through a supportive ex-Mormon community and I have gained forever friendships that have changed my life. I have an amazing bunch of new lady friends who feel like family, because my daughter made friends with great kids at school.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I am insanely lucky to be surrounded by so much love from so many people who matter so very much to me.

So... Thank you.
Thank you for making me one of the lucky ones on my birthday and everyday. I value our friendships and connections more than you may realize.

Round 4 of JA Meds and P/T Working Mom Life

Emma Update:

The MRI of her jaw showed bone marrow edema. That means swelling. In her BONE MARROW. I didn't know that could even happen. The doctor was looking for swelling in her synovial fluid, at the joints, to confirm the presence of arthritis. There was NO swelling there, though, and there was zero visible joint damage, so... good news! However, the presence of swelling in the marrow and the symptoms of pain each morning gave her doctor and me enough reasons to say: Time to restart Enbrel.

This was the longest unmedicated remission she has experienced yet, so that's a small victory! Still, exactly seven months after her last injection of the stuff, I gave Emma her first weekly dose of Enbrel this time around. That was eleven days ago. She started feeling relief just four days after her injection. She says that chewing in the morning is completely pain-free now. I am a happy mommy. Hopefully it stays that way.

What now? Every week for the next year or more, I will poke her in the back of her arm and inject 1mL of her wonder-drug into her body. Every week she will get a piece of candy after her injection, because she deserves it. We will monitor blood work regularly. We will keep our fingers crossed that Enbrel continues to work its magic and life goes back to normal.

I'm okay with all of it. This is my normal, after all.


You know what's not normal? Going to work EVERY SINGLE DAY. Okay, not every day, because I don't work Sundays and I only work about half of all Saturdays, but still. Also, I know that it actually is pretty normal for most folk to go to work daily, but it wasn't my normal for about seven years, so I'm still adjusting.

I drop the kids off at school and go to work. I leave work and pick up kid #2. We have about an hour before we go back to school to pick up kid #1. Sometimes I squeeze in a quick trip to the grocery store. Sometimes I spend the entire hour trying to get kid #2 to eat his after school snack. Sometimes I sweep the kitchen, catch up on dishes, or start a load of laundry. Once both kids are home, it's more snacking and homework, and "PLEASE practice your piano!" Some days it's a trip to the library and swimming lessons. Some days it's karate and piano. I squeeze in making dinner, packing lunches, feeding all of the pets twice a day and cleaning up their poop, starting a fresh batch of kombucha every 10-14 days, vacuuming twice a week, and cleaning various pieces of the house here and there.

It's busy, but I'm managing. The only thing I can't seem to fit into it all is a non-weekend shopping trip at Costco. I need to figure that one out soon.


How are you?