Sadness

Some of my work-people call me Sarah-Sunshine. I have embraced the name because it's fitting. I usually bring a pretty sunny attitude everywhere I go. However, sometimes I have a sassy attitude, and that's fine.

I also think you should know that even Sarah-Sunshine gets the blues.
It's true. A few clouds here or there pile upon me and before I know it, I'm feeling sad.
Public Service Announcement: It is totally okay to be sad sometimes.

Did you read my last post? There are cruelties in the world that are unjustified. There are kids with the same genetic/idiopathic disease as my daughter who are financially discriminated against by insurance companies and drug manufacturers simply because their parents don't have jobs that provide private health insurance. It's crap and it makes me angry, but mostly it makes me sad.

The governments of the world refuse to work together, the world is being polluted by people who are in denial, and the education of our children is going to pot. It's crap and it makes me angry, but mostly it makes me sad.

Did you know that one of my close friends from high school died by suicide before she was twenty years old? Her birthday was this week. She would have turned 34, but she didn't because mental illness and drug abuse told her she wasn't good enough for this life and she left it too soon. It's crap. It makes me angry, but mostly it makes me sad.

Do you know that I have a big brother? He is two years and ten months older than me. I adored him and idolized him when we were growing up. I listened to his music (because he played it to loudly), had crushes on his friends, and copied his style of dress when I could (flannels, flannels, baggy jean, and more flannels). It is his birthday today. I won't see him. I won't hear from him. I can't call him or hug him or sing to him. My parents can't either. Can you imagine being a mother and not being able to embrace your baby boy on his birthday?!?!? I can. I can and it breaks my heart. (I'm here for you, Mommy.)
Mental illness and too many challenges within the family have made him seek isolation from us. I understand his reasoning, but not entirely, because it's downright impossible for a person like me to ever really comprehend a person like him. With his twisted, beautiful, brilliant mind that is so up and down and every direction at once, I can't keep up. But I miss him. I miss him and I wish him a happy birthday. It's crap that I can't tell him in person. It makes me angry, but mostly...
It makes me sad. 

The last time I saw you. 2/2012. xoxoxo and Happy Birthday.