Saturday, October 29, 2011


Maybe this isn't the best place to vent these feelings, but I have to get them out somewhere...

I'm at the edge of a very dark, angry place and I'm doing my best not to take the final step into the abyss. I'm extremely stressed out. Right now I'm extra concerned about money because my husband has been out of work for a few months. I chose not to work full time in my life right now, so that I can stay home and raise our daughter, because we can afford it IF HE'S WORKING. Which he's not. I do not like using our savings to pay monthly bills, but I don't exactly have a choice at the moment. How will we pay our mortgage if this unemployment continues? How will we feed our child? How will we pay her medical bills?

That's the extremely huge fear I'm dealing with. Barry has amazing health care coverage through his union that, thankfully, extends out six months from the date he was laid off. Without this, I don't know how we'll go about getting my Emma all of the proper care and medication that she needs. I know there are programs to help, but I don't want to change doctors. The ones we see have been huge blessings in our lives.

Should I find full time work with benefits so I can make sure that my family isn't royally screwed in a few months? Where will I find a teaching job in the middle of the school year? What will I do with Emma during the days if Barry can't watch her because he's job hunting or working side-jobs?

My husband and I love each other. We're very different from each other, except that we are both excessively stubborn. We also have the same long-term goals, and hopes. Unfortunately, I take out all of my frustration, anger, fear, and worry on him. I'd like to punch him in the mouth when I see him next, but I'll probably just give him a hug and a good, stern talking-to.

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